God Goes to Court

You know what’s some bullshit? The Book of Job, of Bible fame. I mean, this book is about a God-fearing, God-honouring man who gets everything taken away from him simply because a guy titled the Satan (Hebrew for the accuser, which is a rather interesting note on the side) tells God that this favourite human of his, Job, only worships him because God rewards him for his faith; take away the rewards and you’ll lose Job’s honourings. 

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‘Kay. Somewhat makes sense so far. I mean, people generally don’t like thankless jobs, but let’s continue. 

(And yes, I’m probably preaching to the choir [ironic pun oh lamely intended] by pooping on religion at this point in North American society’s history about the illogicalness of said Bible, but hey, humans bond through shared disdain, so lets friendship our way through this dissecting of Biblical illogicalness.)

So God shits on Job’s life, taking away all that he has, and then Job goes on a rumination mission to figure out what the fuck just happened. His friends, some wise men who seem to know much about God (and are likely meant to illustrate Job’s said ruminations with externalized characters, a common story-telling device and one most often found in the medium of movies) tell him that he in the wrong, for God is perfect and he is not. 

‘Kay. 

Job insists that he’s perfect enough that none of this shit shoulda fallen upon him. 

The friends debate with Job until they’re all out of neo-cortex-filled wisdom, and so Job must now take his issue up with the dispenser of woes himself, the Notorious G.O.D.

Who tells him that he basically don’t know everything in this world, and life is complex, and Job should trust in him anyway. 

Job don’t like. He tells the boss that he’s incompetent. 

God, a bit uncharacteristically calm for the Old Testament (probably because he doesn’t want to prove right that insolent Satan) assures Job and sweet talks him into bending the knee once more in apologetic fashion for his questioning of the Will. 

But wait a sec. Why didn’t God just tell Job that he was essentially using him as a pawn in a big dick contest with his fellow divinity? Like, I know that this story is meant to be symbolic, and literal-taking of these Biblical stories has sapped them of meaning for most in today’s society (thank you, Emperor Constantine and subsequent born-agains), but what is this story even trying to convey? What’s the moral given to the reader by how we should live, assuming (as I do) that God is a symbol for something akin to the universal order of things? Just trust and love the Lord no matter what even if you’re getting punished after your good deeds? How convenient. Worship no matter what. Question not, just keep on worshipping. Bullshit. 

There is something in this story, I gotta say, that is of value. But the ending is just hogwashery. 

How would I end it? 

Job continues to do the Lord’s work, thus showing his faith, and gets out of that horrid valley of woes and climbs to the peak of God’s good graces, where he is beautified, glorified, and gifted all the wives and oxen and olive oil a simple B.C.er could ever pray for. He earns it, just like we all have to, despite the struggles which could very well last for years. Where’s the showing up and doing the work aspect in this story? I (respectfully) ask you this, oh Notorious G.O.D. — a question that can be asked of many a story: why’d you let such a promising book end in such a lazy way?