The Fish and the Cat

Photo Credit: Newsweek

If you haven't tried the dating app TanTan then maybe don’t start. Or I’ve just had bad luck with the thing because nearly every girl I’ve met on there, and many have been cute if you’re going by their pictures, I’ve been in some way catfished. Like this example: last week, I got into conversation and flirts with a super-dee-duper cute asian girl. Kay. She was messaging me multiple times a day; you know, all that flirty, I-wanna-know-everything-about-your-day kinda convo. But when I added her on WhatsApp I noticed that her profile pic looked a bit different than her Tantan pic. I semi-chalked it up to I’m a white guy who can’t tell Asians apart. Wishful, yes. Skeptical, still. We kept talking and talking. I thought that of all the girls I’d been speaking to online, she was the one I’d pick to girlfriend on the spot if I lived in such a universe where my decree is God-sovereign and reality-bending. But, there’s a decent chance that it’s not (or I’m a masochist with superpowers) judging by how this story turned out. She sent me another super-d-d cute pic of herself that was a lot more akin to the girl in her Tantan pic. Same girl for sure. But same girl as the one in her WhatsApp pic? Or same girl as any of them? Well… so what happened was last night she told me some butter-up attempt BS like, “i love you and u love m3, so I want to tell u the truth bout sumthing, k? I’m not the girl in my pics, and I want to video call you to show u who I really am, k?”

:|

I mean, what was a fella to do? Emotional connection had formed to a degree. Not love level, like she/he/it was saying, but something was there. And plus, don’t underestimate my curiosity. I’m like a cat in that regard; we all die one day. So fuck it, I said yes, covered up my camera, and let the phone call come in half expecting to see a naked fat guy masturbating for my gullible face. But it wasn’t; it was a girl, young, semi-pretty. Okay, not bad. Not as beautiful to the drop-dead degree that the catfish pics suggested, but not bad. Kept on covering her mouth tho, and maybe for good reason. That jaw looked a bit large. Not huge, but, fuck, I dunno —

I just realized that I gave this girl my blog link.

Hey random girl, if you’re reading this, get some confidence; it’s sexier than curves and symmetry.

I tried to talk to this catfish, really, I did. She kept hanging up on me, said I was asking too many questions, and feared my anger. Like wtf did you think was gonna happen?

“Ahhh, my love, you are not the girl in the photo, it’s okay, we’ve texted for a week and love transcends all.”

:\

She rejected my next phone call.

I was trying to give her a chance (and get some return on my emotional investment, and hold out hope for some semblance of hotness).

Blocked her, I did.

Went back on Tantan to block her there as well, I did. Saw her now-verified real pic.

I can see why she did what she did.